Side Area

Kavanaugh Claim Collapses in Flaccid Hearsay

If I can produce someone who saw John Roberts’ penis in college, can we get the Obamacare opinion overturned?

As all MSNBC viewers are well aware, last Sunday’s edition of The New York Times ran an excerpt of the book “The Education of Brett Kavanaugh: An Investigation,” by Robin Pogrebin and Kate Kelly, which revives Debbie Ramirez’s accusations against the Supreme Court nominee.

Quick reminder: This is NOT the Kavanaugh accuser with two front doors. It is NOT the Kavanaugh accuser whose own father warned that she had psychological problems.

This is the one who didn’t remember what Kavanaugh did to her for more than 30 years, until a few lefty friends helpfully reminded her that they’d heard something about it from a guy, who heard it from a guy, whereupon she spent six days “assessing her memories” during the nomination hearings — and darned if it didn’t all come back to her!

What the guy who heard it from a guy heard was that, at a drunken party in a freshman dorm, Kavanaugh unzipped his pants and stuck his penis in Ramirez’s face.

Contrary to Pogrebin and Kelly’s claim that “at least” seven people “heard about the Yale incident long before Mr. Kavanaugh was a federal judge,” this vast array of witnesses includes only one person whose secondhand, rumor-mill story includes both Kavanaugh and Ramirez: Kenneth Appold.

(All we know about Appold is that he is a professor at the Princeton Theological Seminary, meaning that he is less likely to believe in God than any person not a professor at the Princeton Theological Seminary.)

The guy Appold claims he heard it from doesn’t remember it.

Are you following how absurd this is?

This is not merely hearsay; it’s double hearsay offered by only one person, and he wasn’t there, but he heard about it from another person, who denies knowledge of it. And the corpus delecti is something that happened with a group of drunk teenagers 35 years ago.

The main point made by the excerpt is to remind us that truth means nothing to liberals.

Here’s the book’s big new scoop:

“We also uncovered a previously unreported story about Mr. Kavanaugh in his freshman year that echoes Ms.Ramirez’s allegation. A classmate, Max Stier, saw Mr. Kavanaugh with his pants down at a different drunken dorm party, where friends pushed his penis into the hand of a female student.”

This story was on the Times’ website for more than 24 hours when — at close to midnight on Sunday — the paper issued an “Editors’ Note” admitting that the victim does not remember it. <

I’m not even going to mention that Stier was a lawyer for Bill Clinton, defending him for whipping it out in front of Paula Jones, as governor of Arkansas. Obviously, that’s not as serious as doing it as a college freshman.

But could some good reporter — which excludes anyone in the mainstream media — look into Stier’s undergraduate years? Any embarrassing incidents when he was a freshman? Any rumors or third-hand accounts? While we’re at it, can we get Stier’s tax returns for the last 30 years? Where’s Chuck Johnson when we need him?

Let’s consider just the physics of Stier’s story.

How can anyone, let alone two or more people, “push” a man’s penis into another person’s hand? Just how big is Brett Kavanaugh’s penis, anyway? Wouldn’t a man’s penis, if it were able to be “pushed” by one’s friends into third parties, need to be erect and at least 3 feet long? Don’t push my penis, bro!

The best part of the Times excerpt is the Women’s Temperance League tone of the piece.

“(Ramirez’s Yale classmates) also had experience with drinking and sexual behavior that Ms. Ramirez — who had not intended to be intimate with a man until her wedding night — lacked. … ‘I had gone through high school, I’m the good girl, and now, in one evening, it was all ripped away,’ she said in an interview. …”

If someone from Bob Jones University said that her dreams of marital purity were “ripped away” because she saw a man’s penis in college, liberals would never stop laughing.

“(Kavanaugh) was … known to attend an annual teenage bacchanal called ‘Beach Week,’ where the hookups and drinking were more important than the sand and swimming.”

It wasn’t much of a “beach party” — if you want to call it that. Instead of wholesome fun, the young people consumed alcoholic beverages and engaged in inappropriate flirting. Everyone said it was inappropriate — not just us.

Most shocking, from a “Little House on the Prairie” perspective, was this:

“People … would start to say ‘Debbie does …’ playing on the 1978 porn movie ‘Debbie Does Dallas.’ But Ms. Ramirez didn’t understand the reference.”

Remind me: Aren’t these the same people demanding that we teach kindergartners about “fisting”?

But the “Debbie Does Defamation” authors weren’t finished.

“(Kavanaugh) came of age during the era of ‘Porky’s’ and ‘Fast Times at Ridgemont High.’”

Ha! What do you say, NOW, Trumpsters?

Ruth Bader Ginsburg “came of age during the era of” the Bay of Pigs and the Vietnam War. Can we impeach her?

I’m beginning to suspect that, instead of writing the book, Pogrebin and Kelly screwed around for six months, then pulled an all-nighter the day before it was due. Also, “American Pie” was big!

But half the Democratic candidates for president are demanding Kavanaugh’s impeachment on the basis of this sublime idiocy. Trump touched their SCOTUS!

Author
Ann Coulter
Ann Coulter is an American conservative social and political commentator, writer, syndicated columnist, and lawyer. She frequently appears on television, radio, and as a speaker at public and private events.